House of Candy

Michael hallucinates that he’s camping with Peter, Lisa and Fred as a violent storm erupts, driving the foursome out from their leaky tents to see a house made from candy, but there’s no Willy Wonker in sight!

So to avoid the storm they begin eating their way into the candy house. Chocolate, liquorish, cake anyone? I wouldn’t eat the spouting Fred, it’s actually made from corrugated iron.

Once inside they discover disturbing objects including a cage with shackles, specimens in jars, big, menacing carving knives and a sinister brew in a large cauldron boiling away.

Now all that’s missing is a ….. yep, right on cue, enter a hideous witch, naturally with a large wart on her nose. She ain’t happy about the intrusion, but Michael calms her with a game of chess on her grand, coffee table board.

While the game takes shape, they learn that the witch lures children and feeds them candy before eating them.

I saw that coming!

Immediate cries of condemnation begin, but quickly recede as the witch’s niece, a glamorous young woman with large breasts, enters the room mesmerising the boys.

Michael, forever the opportunist, learns about the witch’s fetish for Asian children, so he conjures up a plan offering to relocate her and her niece to greener pastures in return for sex spells directed at unsuspecting female beauties.

So the deal is done as the pair stand on a hill top overlooking a kindergarten. Michael has a zombie like babe rubbing his chest but just like the others, she must be returned from whence she came by midnight before reverting into …. you don’t want to know.

The witch awaits her first meal, but Michael isn’t good at keeping promises, nor winning chess games.

Check Michael, it’s your move.